so last week, when I felt like wearing skirts and dressing up a bit,
my middle school students (almost all boys) were totally ON -
they actually paid attention, answered questions, and generally interacted.
this week, when i looked cruddy from lack of sleep and wore cords and tees,
it was my STUDENTS who tried to sleep, even though i drank a lot of coffee so i could be as enthusiastically on top of my game as ever.
the question is, what do i do with the knowledge that all the teen boys will tune in if i’m lookin fiiiiine whereas they will enter zombie-mode if i’m not?
for the little kid days, i wear more colorful clothes, and try to have interesting earrings with things like birds or little faces etc. truly, when i’m earring-less, they complain – it’s upsetting for them. it’s a bit of the miss frizzle oh-man-what-crazy-thing-is-she-wearing-now-let’s-watch-her-instead-of-trading-our-big-bang-cards effect. i’m comfortable with playing the role of whacky teacher to hold their interest (because it’s fun!) but i just can’t seem to feel ok about being hot teacher (because it’s creepy!), even if it ultimately helps silly adolescent boys pay attention to english class a little more. i’m not tarting myself up or anything, it’s really just a bizarre issue of simply pants vs. (knee-length!) skirts.
this sounds really vain, but i don’t mean it in an i’m-so-hot way(!) – it’s real only in that puberty is real and that i’m young and a bit of a novelty. i mean, when i was that age, i couldn’t stop picturing everyone naked and thinking about everything sexually. it was really really exhausting and awful – i did not want to think about most people this way, but if they had a y chromosome, i couldn’t help it. and maybe i was a freak, but i don’t think so. it’s not something girls are supposed to feel or talk about, so i just tried to shove it in the back of my brain. but for boys it’s generally accepted. soooo, it’s gotta be the same or even more intense for boys!
i guess in the end, i should just try to look professional, wear what makes me feel comfortable, and not think about it EVER. while it’s a little funny, adolescent male attention is also creepy and one of the only teacherly issues i didn’t anticipate. being told, “teacher, you’re so pretty!” is one thing, while being winked at and stroked on the arm by a 14-year-old who pseudo-seductively whispers, “teacher, don’t worry. it’s ok” when i ask him why he didn’t do his homework is another. i’m not gonna not gonna not gonna let this be a worry! it’s just silly! the end!
